Leading Blog: A Leadership Blog: Innovation Creates Uncertainty

Leading Blog: A Leadership Blog: Innovation Creates Uncertainty

The dignity of choice

I've told my children that when I die, to release balloons in the sky to celebrate that I graduated. For me, death is a graduation.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Nana Kerr, 99 with Samuel 1 1/2

No.  My Mom is not dead.  She just wishes she was.

She has outlived three husbands.

She has outlived her three sisters.

She has outlived one of her daughters.

She has outlived all of her close friends save two.

She, according to her own statement misses in order - her husband Mac, her car and playing golf.

Her mind is still sharp.  She is still the best bridge player at Queen's Terrace.  She knows all the stuff she used to know - it just takes a little longer to retrieve the information.

Her body doesn't work the way she wants it to.

She was an athlete and a champion golfer, curler, swimmer and her sporting achievements are recorded in a Hall of Fame.

She is in pain.

She is lonely - although we visit often and my niece Elaine is a constant presence and enormous source of loving support.

She loves her grandchildren - Mackenzie, Wesley, Eli, Gabriel and Samuel.

She revels in their growth and love.

She regrets that she won't see them grow to young men but has left each a legacy that will long outlive her corporeal presence.

She is depressed.

She has had two heart attacks in the past two months.

She once said that when she went she wanted to go with a massive cardiac arrest but after the first one she delightfully commented that she'd changed her mind about that because it hurt too much!

Her first comment when I visit, after expressing genuine joy at seeing me, is that she wants to die.

She doesn't understand why her powerful faith and belief seem to bar her from joining her departed loved ones.

She commands that we not grieve for her when her wish is granted.

She wants a party.

Her situation, and those of others with whom I am familiar, led me to join the Dying with Dignity movement.

We live our lives with a fundamental belief that individual choice is all important and yet when we come to a point where life no longer is the preferable alternative, choice is removed from our arsenal.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."
Bill Maher

This is not by any means a morbid account.

It is a brief reflection on a powerful woman's desire to continue to make the critical decisions in her life.

Please consider this:  my mother has a strong and abiding faith in her God.  It is not a belief I share nor does that really matter.  After almost a century of living she is ultimately feeling disappointed that her God won't bring her home.  This is not the way we should be living our final  days.

If you are of a mind, please visit www.dyingwithdignity.ca to learn more about how we can influence our final choices and the liberty and freedom we can all enjoy.

In the meantime, Mom, we hear you.  We love you.  We will give you a great party and as you wrote on your 21st birthday "we will join you in making whoopie!"

My beautiful boy Gabriel is 4

We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children that makes the heart too big for the body.

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Early indications of Gabriel's beautiful spirit.

Yikes, already his third year at Clanmore Montessori.

Yup, there's trouble there but c'mon...too cute!

Almost four years ago, our lives were irrevocably changed when Gabriel Bridger Kerr joined Katie and I to form a little family then living on the shores of Lake Ontario in Etobicoke.  

At the time of his arrival I, and perhaps Katie as well, had little real understanding of how profoundly our lives would change subsequent to this little bald boy wailing his way into our hearts.  

What incredible good fortune that he was and is such a healthy, articulate and desperately funny little boy who at times startles us with his adult-like insight while maintaining a delightful sense of wonder.  It is my ambition in life, what's left of mine, to ensure that his wonder remains alive and that he continues to view life with such verve.

From a tiny peanut to a swimming, skating, and running big boy Gabriel is my true joy in life.

And, bless his little cotton socks, he's a very good big brother to Samuel...most of the time.  Sibling rivalry has started to show but Gabriel shows patience with Sammy beyond his age even putting up with having clumps of hair torn from his scalp.  Sure, there are occasional kicks and punches thrown, but what the hell, they're boys.

Sammy loves his big brother and thinks he's hilarious.

A show for Sammy.

 Thank you my boys for making my life worth living.  Daddy loves you now and will forever.

 

Very lucky boys

Just a very quick entry today to record how very lucky my boys are to have great grandparents in their lives.  Gabe and Sam got to spend a day on the farm yesterday with Nana and Grandpa Sanders.  They were both absolutely thrilled and it just made me feel so appreciative to have these people with us.  

As well, my Mom - while being 99 means she can't take the kids to the farm - is a great influence on the boys who both love visiting their sharp Nana Kerr in Cambridge.  In fact, we may just hop in the car and go see her today.  

Yup. It's hot baby!

Gabe and Sam have this heat wave figured out - remove all non-essential clothing, play in the house and nap regularly.

Gabe's Gab this morning:  "Dada, let me smell your arm."  Sniffffffff. "Ewwwwww. You sure need a shower.  Me too!"

Might have something to do with the fact that yesterday the hot water heater sprung a leak and while it is hotter than Hades I'm still too chicken to jump into a cold shower. Maybe a little dip in Lake Ontario just like Gabe and Sam did the other day following the lead of a couple of the neighbourhood Golden Retrievers.

It's all simple.  Just follow the lead of the  children. 

Battle scarred and experienced knowledge

Wind-blown, gnarly and worn willow - still vital and growing.

 Coronation Park, Oakville July 13, 2011

Had the privilege of participating in a new product focus group last week.  The proposed offering revolves around the notion of coaching personal growth for guys.  Should the proponents proceed - and I hope they do - the offering will revolve around helping men come to grips with living life to the fullest and living in the moment.

Stay tuned to this blog and I'll let you know if Elvira, Angela and John proceed.

However, during the group session it became more clear to me that there are among us men of a certain age who remain vital, who possess the very considerable benefit of bruising experience, and who are living testament to the truism that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Then I got to thinking about how one effectively communicates the benefit of greying or no hair to marketers and communicators who by and large believe that once you're beyond age 40 your usefulness is - well, not so useful.  

With all of the fuss about social media there's a prevailing belief that the medium is the sole territory of the young.  I believe that to be clap trap.  As Gary Vaynerchuk points out in his very good book The thank you economy, internet-driven media are quite simply just another vehicle to engage in conversation with consumers.  "Customers' demands for authenticity, originality, creativity, honesty, and good intent have made it necessary for companies and brands to revert to a level of customer service rarely seen since our great-grandparents day, when business owners often knew their customers personally, and gave them individual attention."

During my 30 years in marketing communications I have witnessed, directed, written and participated in every kind of communication activity you can imagine from straight-ahead, old timey P.R. to event management to international broadcast advertising to retail store design to packaging and pretty much everything in between.

What benefit that brings to a client today is this:  my business is founded upon three proven principles of effective communication.

Clarity - know what you want to tell your customer and tell them in as transparent a fashion as possible.

Simplicity - as an old mentor taught me "eschew obfuscation"!  Be straight foward and plain spoken.  Engage in conversation.  Commit to taking the time to be brief, brisk and brilliant.

Wit - Be engaging. Find some means by which to attract your audience's attention that is meaningful and relevant.

These principles are not the exclusive domain of any demographic group nor of any medium.  So, if you're someone who is looking to engage your customers in meaningful mutually beneficial conversation enlist the assistance of someone who has had plenty of experience in that endeavour and don't limit your search to the kids.  

And, when you do that perhaps you'll be kind enough to think of the services of Grace Hanna Inc. 

My weekend so far

There's no doubt Gabriel is my son:  he's learning golf (me too - still!); he's a Liverpool fan; he loves his cowboy boots - although he's stuck on one pair while Daddy has oh - just a few more!

Samuel, on the other hand, is the most single-minded determined young 'un I've ever known except for the little guy my Aunt Elsie (101 years old last month) tells me about - yup, me.  We're similarly built too!

Talk about a productive time - we have discovered the solution to violence in children's cartoons!

That's right!  Chocolate ice cream and Sammy can't get the spoon to his gob fast enough.